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Decriminalizing Victimless Crimes


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#1 aez

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 12:35 PM

Some crimes are economic parasites.

Many Americans today believe certain illegal vices in our society should be decriminalized, taxed, and regulated. The most popular of these vices include marijuana smoking, prostitution, and all forms of gambling. The proponents for decriminalization believe that the new tax revenues produced would help support schools, healthcare, and the impoverished, ease the pain of taxpayers, and reduce the deficit. They also believe that transgressions such as these will take place no matter, but, if properly regulated, would be safer for society in general. It would be a win, win situation.

Unfortunately, when it comes to lowering taxes and helping the downtrodden, the best-laid government plans seem to fall short of expectations. However, there is one vice, one small illegal indiscretion, that, if decriminalized would solve all our problems. The United States needs to legalize the victimless crime known as counterfeiting.

Once legalized, counterfeiting would be for everyone. This could be accomplished by making Federal Reserve paper (complete with silk threads, watermarks, etc.) available to the public. With the correct paper, most computers with the right software would have no trouble replicating U.S. currency. If a household did not have a computer, special over- the-counter counterfeit kits could be made available, with instructions in both English and Spanish.

Once in place, universal counterfeiting would prove to be the ultimate stimulus package for the economy. Employees would always have enough money and never have to go on strike. Citizens would have no trouble paying their mortgages and never face foreclosure. Everyone would gladly pay his or her taxes and there would be no need to have an IRS. Free market consumerism would return with a flourish. People would purchase whatever they wanted and stores would only have to worry about having enough merchandise on hand. Stores could charge the consumer whatever they wanted and the consumer could still afford. Every shopping day would be like the day after Thanksgiving and the day before Christmas.

Universal counterfeiting could be the entitlement program that ends all other entitlement programs and sets us free. It is time to stand up and tell our legislators we want universal counterfeiting. If they protest, "You cannot just print money," then promptly respond in kind, "Why not? It works for you."

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#2 Joshwa

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 01:04 PM

oookay
01000011 01100001 01110000 01110100 01100001 01101001 01101110 00100000 01000110 01000001 01001100 01000011 01001111 01001110 00100001

#3 The Gunslinger

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 01:05 PM

Okay this is clearly a joke post but I think it is a pretty decent topic to talk about.


I would suggest maybe moving this to ap?

#4 Bluenoser

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 01:08 PM

Considering if you take Whacky-Tabacky out of the loop, its the same stuff that some peeps have wanted legalized since the beginning of the existence of said products... which is a long, long time.

Much meh as a discussion topic in my books... I'll appreciate the humor for a wee sec though.
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#5 shirizaki

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 01:21 PM

A ton of the prison system would be emptied out, along with a decrease in the spending for judges to hear a ton of possession charges. Police would actually be able to do police work to catch career criminals instead of hippies and college students.

And hell, if you legalized prostitution every politician would be happy.

Just a simple decriminalization for marijuana would go a long way. Even if they didn't legalize it and decide to tax it, the number of cases for possession and the number of people sitting in jails for possession with intent to get blazed the fuck out would be emptied, and the prisons would instead be filled with rapists, pedos, murderers, an other unsavory bastards instead of anyone that decided to smoke weed.
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#6 WD_40

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 01:30 PM

Don't forget these stipulations. After all, we must be FAIR!

Once legalized, counterfeiting would still have to be regulated. Parity and fairness would dictate that families earning over $250,000 would only be allowed to print $1, $2, $5 and $10 denominations. Families with combined incomes of less than $250,000 could print $20 and $50 bills. The unemployed could print $100 bills, and ACORN workers and UAW members would be entitled to counterfeit a new denomination, something even larger than the $100 bill (with President Obama on the front).


Edited by WD_40, 22 May 2009 - 01:31 PM.

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#7 shirizaki

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 02:00 PM

But those rich bastards would simply hire illegals to come here and prints out as many $10 bills as they could, then they would pay off other people for their machines, maybe threaten their families a little.

Then the rich people would have all the money making machines, and we would have to work for them to count the money and spend it on the goods they produced.


.....



like.....we are now?
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#8 The Gunslinger

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Posted 22 May 2009 - 02:12 PM

A ton of the prison system would be emptied out, along with a decrease in the spending for judges to hear a ton of possession charges. Police would actually be able to do police work to catch career criminals instead of hippies and college students.

And hell, if you legalized prostitution every politician would be happy.

Just a simple decriminalization for marijuana would go a long way. Even if they didn't legalize it and decide to tax it, the number of cases for possession and the number of people sitting in jails for possession with intent to get blazed the fuck out would be emptied, and the prisons would instead be filled with rapists, pedos, murderers, an other unsavory bastards instead of anyone that decided to smoke weed.


well said

Don't forget that it would also eliminate all of the people that go into jail as a stoner and come out as a criminal.

#9 serious

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Posted 23 May 2009 - 11:54 AM

lol. funny article, but unlike the other 'crimes' it lists, counterfeiting wouldn't aid the economy but cause hyper-inflation, with all money becoming effectively worthless.
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#10 nun

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Posted 23 May 2009 - 01:09 PM

My guess is that the paper and ink to print the money would wind up being more expensive than the money itself, of course.

What a wicked spiral that would be.
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#11 preston181

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Posted 23 May 2009 - 03:38 PM

My guess is that the paper and ink to print the money would wind up being more expensive than the money itself, of course.

What a wicked spiral that would be.


I find myself agreeing with nun. How odd... :eek:

I think it would go further down a spiral to where nobody would work. Why bust your ass at a job you hate when you can print all the cash you need?

Why even bother with legalizing couterfeiting, when it'd just be easier to go back to bartering for services? Hot blonde needs an oil change? That'll be one blowjob. I'd hate to think what a lawyer would take in trade: Arm and a leg, or just fucking you in the ass, literally?
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#12 Artemis Entreri

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Posted 23 May 2009 - 03:41 PM

OMFG, you guys can't be serious.


Are you that fucking stupid that you need an explanation on why counterfeiting victimizes EVERYONE?!


I'm going to go have a cigarette while I ponder the depth of your incompetence.
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#13 Victor_Vega

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Posted 23 May 2009 - 07:44 PM

Wow, we agree on something. Hell must be freezing over or there is an angel crying somewhere.

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#14 OcalaDave

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Posted 27 May 2009 - 08:28 PM

Let's keep in mind that money actually is a token representing labor, as in man-hours. By laboring at my job (or by said labor being carried out by previous generations, or by those who were forced to turn over some of their proceeds to me), I earn the tokens which allow me to possess the results of somebody else's labors. Should money stop being tied (at some level) to labor, then, as previously stated, hyperinflation takes over and your own production becomes devalued to the point of worthlessness. Thus, rather than being a victimless crime, counterfeiting actually victimizes everybody within the given economy and, given this Age of Globalization, the entire world.

I'll go along with decriminalizing marajuana and prostitution. Let's put those Mafia boys in the unemployment lines!
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#15 serious

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Posted 27 May 2009 - 10:19 PM

Let's keep in mind that money actually is a token representing labor, as in man-hours. By laboring at my job (or by said labor being carried out by previous generations, or by those who were forced to turn over some of their proceeds to me), I earn the tokens which allow me to possess the results of somebody else's labors. Should money stop being tied (at some level) to labor, then, as previously stated, hyperinflation takes over and your own production becomes devalued to the point of worthlessness. Thus, rather than being a victimless crime, counterfeiting actually victimizes everybody within the given economy and, given this Age of Globalization, the entire world.

I'll go along with decriminalizing marajuana and prostitution. Let's put those Mafia boys in the unemployment lines!


It is perhaps the case that the author of the afore-quoted article is using the hypothetical legalisation of counterfeiting as an example to make a satirical point. Rather than literally indicating support for counterfeiting he is indeed actually using such an extreme example to highlight his personal perception that many of the vices individuals have asserted should be legalised for the benefit of the economy, such as drug use and prostitution, actually have wide-ranging detrimental effects on society that outweigh their benefits. :eek:
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#16 Artemis Entreri

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Posted 28 May 2009 - 11:36 AM

Let's keep in mind that money actually is a token representing labor, as in man-hours. By laboring at my job (or by said labor being carried out by previous generations, or by those who were forced to turn over some of their proceeds to me), I earn the tokens which allow me to possess the results of somebody else's labors. Should money stop being tied (at some level) to labor, then, as previously stated, hyperinflation takes over and your own production becomes devalued to the point of worthlessness. Thus, rather than being a victimless crime, counterfeiting actually victimizes everybody within the given economy and, given this Age of Globalization, the entire world.

I'll go along with decriminalizing marajuana and prostitution. Let's put those Mafia boys in the unemployment lines!


It is perhaps the case that the author of the afore-quoted article is using the hypothetical legalisation of counterfeiting as an example to make a satirical point. Rather than literally indicating support for counterfeiting he is indeed actually using such an extreme example to highlight his personal perception that many of the vices individuals have asserted should be legalised for the benefit of the economy, such as drug use and prostitution, actually have wide-ranging detrimental effects on society that outweigh their benefits. :eek:



I believe the stock market has severed the tie of labor to money, and allowed those who do no work to earn the most money. I feel this is far more detrimental to our society than the legalization, regulation, and taxation of drugs and prostitution. The stock market is nothing more than legalized gambling, and with the insider trading that goes on, the game is fixed.
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