As defined by UrbanDictionary:

Guido
A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.

WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.

NATURAL HABITAT: Known to frequent Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to waste their week's pay on (most likely spotted shopping at "Bang Bang" in Staten Island). During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketting, or construction job, can be located at their local gym tanning or lifting weights. Can be found nightly at mainstream danceclubs they read about online (SF, Webster Hall, Etc.). Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore in an old car (Honda, Mustang, etc.) which has been tinted, painted and sports $1,000-$3,000 rims in a feeble attempt to look like new. Guido cars usually have a boomin' system through which cheesy music like freestyle, commercial club/trance and hip-hop (anything KTU plays) is loudly blasted.

GENETIC LINKS: Directly related to modern day urban-guidos, A.K.A. "wiggers," A.K.A. "wegros;" urban-guidos are white males who once exhibited the traits referenced above, but have now instead opted to keep it unreal, with wardrobes consisting of clothes from labels like FUBU and Rocawear which they bought on sale at Macy's. These individuals still listen to the same music and drive the same type of car as their predecessor; it is usually just their choice of attire and use of slang and poor speech skills that differentiate them from the classic guido. Most guidos are distrusting of non-whites despite the fact some of their attire and music can be traced to non-white origins.

PASSTIMES/RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES: Guidos enjoy beating up a non-white or homosexual while assisted by a group of 5-10 guido friends backing them up; engaging in date rape; and displaying their lack of rhythm by dancing poorly in the middle of a club's dance floor while non-guidos look on in disbelief.

In case you don't have a mental image, and have no idea what a Guido is, here are some pictures.











So I'm sure we all know we've all seen one of these people before. I, myself, have never seen one in person, but I have seen more than enough in pictures. And judging from those pictures, the whole fake, orange tan and spiked hair seems to attract girls. WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

In my eyes they look like Oompa Loompas who ran out of green hair dye, or employees at the M&M factory, who were part of the accident in the Orange Department. I don't know how they can look in the mirror every day and NOT say to themselves, "I look absolutely fucking ridiculous."

So do girls really find these guys attractive?

No.

Girls like guys who take care of themselves though, and in the early stages of guidoism its easy to mistake it for a little dash of metrosexuality.

Where I live they are mostly of Portuguese descent not Italian and they all play soccer.

I'm not saying they come off as gay. Nor am I dissing their pretty boy-ness. Look at their skin and the hair! How and why does one do that? And how do they all manage to look almost identical?

And how did this trend start?

When everyone dresses the same and does the same thing you focus on what is similar instead of what's different.

And the only thing that guidos attract are guido lovers that think they are the only worthwhile men. They have theri own little social circle of people who know people and never venture from it. Most people think that the people in their circle are the only people they will ever know.

I'm sure it' been posted elsewhere, but just in case it hasn't...

My New Haircut

W....T.....H is that? You mean there's guys that walk around like transvestites trying to be very MASCULINE? Why isn't this illegal?

Why does Colorless have a photo collection of Lee Hotti is what you should be asking yourself.

Unfortunately, or fortunately the website leehotti.com has disspeared so now you get to watch a youtube video instead.

Not only is it not illegal...they actually get all the hot chicks, too. It's a sad world.

Proof.

Well most of those guys don't come off as what you call "guidos". Most of them are just buff-surfer-dude white guys and some punks with tattoos. Plus there's a fat gangster with pigtails. Some do look like them BUT NOT WHAT I SEE IN THE FIRST POST. I say again....W....T....H?

It's true...Not all of them are guidos....but if you go through the archives, that's what a main part of the site used to be. Now it's just more of the ultra buff assholes.

I worked with a Guido who has to be a singularity... he was Muslim. He didn't spike his hair like that, but he had it in a weird pulled back afro. He always wore a headband too. Born in New York, raised somewhere in Jersey, moved to Florida two or three years ago. He was really nice when he wasn't blatantly hitting on every single 40+ year old woman who came in. This guy was 19.

I don't think I ever saw him with a girl. Ever. I worked with him for a year and a half. I think thats the way it should be.

Euch, earrings.
And also euch, headbands.

I Worked with a guido once. One day he came in with his hair all guidoed up. So I asked him, "What the fuck happened to your hair? You look like you put your dick in an electrical outlet?".

Florida is almost entirely populated with people who happened to move there five years ago. Yay for Guidos. Keep it up guys. Less competition = good!

LOL , true fact. Guidos are the shit, you can't hate on them, cause they try soooo hard.

The not all are italians a lot are Greek, Russian and of eastern European.

I live in Queens, so I'm surrounded by them. I'm just happy I ain't from Jersey.

I live on Long Island. They are damn near everywhere.

There is a movement to remove them though...
http://www.getoffourisland.com/index.html

Shea is the best part about that video. Nassau is a guido strong hold.

Its acctually pretty scary how accurate the diagram of Long Island that they have on there is. the red areas are deffinitly where its the worst. The part about the Hamptons being red only in the summer is dead on too.

I don't get the hair (HAHA! They're all Goku from DragonballZ!). And I don't get the stupid facial expression whenever a picture is taken. The tan? Well, duh. Really, who wants to be a white person? White people try so hard not to be white that it gets to be hilarious.

Better to be an OompahLoompah.

What's wrong with being white and freckly?

Depends on where the freckles are. I've seen some disturbing Freckles in my day!

And kudos for using Freckly, that takes some thinking.

Colorless is jealous and Asian. The people have spoken.

I'm an anti-douche.

I have humor and dashing good looks, without the 'tude.

You're married. It doesn't matter anymore. Wasted talent.

Are chicks attracted to them?

Apparently

Looking at those pics made me feel like I was at a beach bar in the Hamptons during summertime.


Thats why I never venture out there ... the douchebaggery is stifiling.