Fall Classes for Men at

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

These point out to me that I am not "masculine." Hell I even put the toilet paper on the right way.

It doesn't mean you're not masculine. It means someone trained you properly.

I actually could benefit from a few of these "courses" as well. Shopping, filling up ice cube trays, remembering important dates and asking for directions are not my thing.

Luckily I was trained by female friends before I ever dated. It has lead to its own problems though. I am too submissive 99% of the time. (Which gets read as indifferent or sulking/angry, go fucking figure.)

Now if I only got paid for whoring myself out with something other then wooden nickles, I would be golden.

I guess I had a good mommy... These are the only ones I have trouble with.

No.

I am marking my terrority.

All shall know me by my manly scent.

Ug!

This is how the Republic will be loss...not to an invading army, but the demasulaization and pussification of America's men.


Piss on the walls I say!!!

So we're gonna lose because men have to learnt o take care of themselves and their household?

FOR SHAME!


It's manly to not have to depend on someone all the time. And most of the other things are treating your partner like a person instead of an appliance. If you want the latter, they're called mail order brides.

I was a map maker for years. I never need to ask.

Crayons on the window do not count as a map.



I actually do all those things, it's my wife that needs all those classes.

Only three I'm guilty of.

Although,
1. The girl leaves more clothing around than I do.
2. Asking for directions is a sign of weakness. If you know what general direction you need to travel in, you will get there.
3. The girl can't parallel park. There have been a number of times when I've had to switch with her just so I could park the car.

I can teach that in one simple line:
Look BEHIND and UNDER other things, for goodness sake!

So dirty clothes can't be on the floor in the bathroom? Do they even make laundry hampers anymore?

Oh my god no shit.

A HUGE majority of the guys I know will stand in the middle of the room, and scream and yell that they've lost their keys.

When I suggest they LOOK for them, they tell me they are.

When I suggest like, lifting things up, or perhaps even MOVING from the spot in which they are standing, the place where absolutely positively the object they are searching for is NOT, they look at me like I suggested a solution involving quantum physics.

We have a lovely wicker one at my house, it maks you want to put things in it because it is so nice!
Or maybe that's just me being weird, again.

I know I'm old........ as well as being under suspicion of senility and over indulgence of alcohol products, but is someone suggesting there are two parts to a toilet seat?

All I have to say is, I'll give you the remote, when you watch TV that doesn't suck.

also if god wanted you to have the remote, you would already have it.

See I don't have one. So my clothes just sit on the floor until its time to do laundry. Ofcourse when company is over, the clothes go into the laundry room to sit on the floor.

Well that's good enough for me- out of sight, out of mind!

That may have been one of the funniest things you've ever posted.

Mom approved.

I have a gripe about toilet seats; why the hell is 'down' the right position for it?! Women have constructed an elaborate social truth that states if you leave the seat up, your a slob, when in fact the only reason they whinge is because they have to go to the effort of putting it down themselves otherwise. Well here's one for ya, why not encourage us to leave the seat up, since it's more hygenic, and also putting it down when you do your business will get some exercise for those big flappy bingo wings! Bastard German Greer and her penis envy, the bane of my fucking life!

I would say, how about lifting the sit when your done ladies?

Quoted for truthery.

Whenever I hand over the remote, within 6 seconds the channel is changed to the Home Shopping Network. Then we proceed to sit and watch it for the next 2 hours* like it's the damn movie-of-the-week!



* or until I wrestle the remote back.

Now see, I let my woman have the remote, but if I don't like what's on, it changes stat. In effect, she is my voice-activated remote.

Gotta keep your pimp hand strong.

You whining and crying until she turns Desperate Housewives back on does not qualify you for a "pimp hand".

What can I say? I loves me some skanky hausfraus.

Atleast if its in OUR apartment.

I keep the remote control in our house!



Two 'mute' buttons.......... in case one breaks.

I used to have that actual remote without photoshopped buttons. Back int he day when they offered boxes to unscramble the "good" channels like Sci-fi, cartoon network, and animal planet.


That remote kicked ass.

Zing... and again.... Zing!





I had to watch the first season of Grey's Anantony after failing to maintain my grasp of the remote

I'll pee correctly when drunk when you girl's can throw up without me holding your hair.



If there was room in the closet I wouldn't need to throw them on the floor. I'm not even going to mention underwear hanging from the shower curtain rod.



I know football can be boring but Sex in the City reruns are definitely boring.



I might not be able to find things but at least I can get ready to go within a standard lunar month.



Health Watch--Giving you man head is good for your waistline. Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.



Not when she's Asian.



You leave my mother out of this and I'll leave your father out of this. I've never screamed "Oh mommy" during sex.

Ya, that's what I thought.



Obviously you girls haven't been the only straight person in a MAC store watching there significant other try to find the right lipstick that goes with their new shoes.



Remembering one or two is fine but remembering our "first kiss" anniversary is fucking ridiculous.



Are we talking about an Easy bake oven? When the fuck do you girls cook?