[nun]

Game Show Czar
Pat Sajak · 5 hours ago

I know I should wait until it’s official, but I’m too darned excited to keep the news to myself. I have it on very good authority I am about to be named Federal Game Show Czar. When I expressed concern about Senate confirmation hearings to my source, he laughed and said, “What hearings? You’re a Czar!”

My primary duty, if I understand correctly, will be to level the playing field when it comes to television game shows. Each show will be required to file forms with my office (gosh, I like the sound of that) indicating they’ve complied with our yet-to-be-fully-determined ground rules. We will monitor the audition process with an eye toward determining that special efforts have been made to recruit members of all groups, particularly those who have been traditionally underrepresented in the genre. (See, I’m already talking like a Czar!)

We certainly won’t impose quotas, but we will establish minimum percentages that will trigger fines or possible imprisonment if left unmet following sufficient notice of noncompliance. We will also be sure people aren’t discriminated against because they lack certain skills. Is it really fair to eliminate a large portion of the population from Jeopardy!, for example, because they were unable to gain a sufficient education? Why not have expert helpers available to these people who can assist them during the audition process as well as during the show itself? (I think I just came up with my first Czar initiative. This is going to be great!)

While recognizing the competitive nature of game shows, it might also be time to rethink the outdated concept of winners and losers. Why not talk about alternatives such as adding all the winnings together and dividing them among all the players? In addition to appealing to the basic idea of fairness, it will foster a kind of cooperation among people that will be a valuable life lesson to viewers, especially the children. It really is about the children.

I’ve been assured by my source that the idea isn’t for the government to take over TV game shows, but, rather, to be sure all Americans have the opportunity to participate regardless of...well, regardless of anything. My office will not get involved with any of the formats or the rules, unless, of course, we determine such formats or rules are, by their very nature, discriminatory.

As Czar, my responsibility is to all the people, and I plan to take that responsibility seriously. I’m told the official announcement is just days away, and I’ll tell you more when it happens. Meantime, I have to work on the wording of my business cards. I can’t wait to tell the Czarina!

http://ricochet.com/conversations/Game-Show-Czar

[Ryanella]

wtfawesome?

[shirizaki]

Good, I like to see an old white man getting getting promoted to a position where he can unfairly skew the rules to favor the game show he just moved from while still retaining some sort of connection to the company. I bet they'll have some sort of contract thing going and they'll give it to Wheel of Fortune, but they'll assure us there's no conflict of interest.

Then they'll start going through and making sure that only certain people get to play the real games (like The Price is Right) while everyone else gets to compete in Wipeout, where they get hit and tossed and bashed to death for pocketchange. We'll call that real "gameshow" because everyone has to compete. We'll even toss in real nice commentary and some comedy with some eye candy I know I'm on a roll but I have to stop and say Jill Wagner is one hot woman that I cannot get out of my head, and she is the only reason I wanted Blade: The Series to continue. Moving on.

Meanwhile the older white people play the higher tier game shows, winning fabulous prizes by playing these nice little games that everyone else could play, but somehow the same people keep getting to the showcase showdown EVERY FUCKING TIME. But obviously we gave the Gameshow Czar enough power to make sure that everyone got to play fairly. So obviously he wouldn't be doing anything shady.